YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
