i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
