just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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