ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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