It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
