Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They took my balls.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
