So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
