Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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