Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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