I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
