im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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