So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
