so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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