a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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