ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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