she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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