remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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