oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
