I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
