hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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