i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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