i already hear my dad disowning me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
