Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
