Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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