Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she peed on how many people?
he fucked my hip out of place.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
