I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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