i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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