When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
