I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
