Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
