He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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