Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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