Swine flu. Run for my life!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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