if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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