i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
