When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize