i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
