At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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