I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
