Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
