Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
