I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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