I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
