So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
