Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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