i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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