Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
