I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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