He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
