Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize