Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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