Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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