he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I supernannyed him into submission
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