So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
