I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
