my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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