I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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