Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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