Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize