dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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