Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
