the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
