every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
