I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize