My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
