k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize