Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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