I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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